I realized Grant wasn’t beating at the attic entrance anymore. He’d heard the garage door open. I scrambled over to the driver’s door that was still ajar and hopped inside the car. It was cold, very cold. The kid’s breath had already begun to fog up the windows. I cranked the keys over and then engine lurched. It started, though, and I whipped it into reverse. Living within the house had been gloomy and dark, and looking out the back window into the direct reflection of sun was almost blinding. I stomped on the gas as hard as I could and the car jetted backwards out of the garage. After the rear end of the car was out I turned to face forward again. As the front of the car cleared the garage I saw him coming.
Grant was running full speed towards the car and he jumped, throwing his body onto the hood. The kids screamed in terror, and I cranked the steering wheel to the right trying to dislodge him. We were still moving down the driveway when an explosion of noise caused me to slam on the brakes. My first thought was fireworks. The car jerked to a halt and it took a minute for my brain to process what was happening. Everything was moving in extreme slow motion. I glanced in the rearview mirror at the kids, and they were still screaming, horrified. All I could heard was loud ringing in my ears. Grant slid off the hood of the car, grasping his leg, and turned to look down the street. I turned as well, and that instant searing pains radiated from my side. I’d turned enough to see the army jeep that was parked a few houses down. The soldiers, dressed in dark clothing and gas masks, stood with guns pointed in our direction. I raised both hands in front of my window, showing the soldiers that I was unarmed.
Grant took one step towards the jeep and they unleashed another round of shots. His torso jerked back and forth as the bullets riddled his body, then he fell to the ground. The kids were still screaming, but again I heard nothing. This was it – I had to save them! We didn’t survive all of this chaos to be murdered by the patrol! My hand grazed past my side as I grasped for the door latch, and for the first time I looked down. My sweater was saturated with blood that seeped out of my stomach. I fumbled with the door latch and that’s when I saw where the bullet had entered through the door. I finally got the door to pop open and I raised my hands in helplessness. I’m not sure which of the soldiers spoke, but I clearly heard, “Don’t move! We will shoot!” I tried to speak, but began coughing up blood as soon as my mouth had opened.
I staggered another step out of the car. One hand covered the seeping wound in my side and the other grasped onto the fence post for stabilization. I spit a mouthful of blood into the snow and took a deep breath, pleading, “They’re not infected! Please help them!” I lifted my bloody hand to point into the car. I mustered all my strength to speak again, “They are still OK. Please take them to a shelter! Please don’t kill them!” The loss of blood was starting to make me light-headed and I lost my grasp on the fence. My body crumpled to the ground and I was too weak to move from that position. The soldiers began to edge forward, never lowering their weapons. One soldier moved to the side of the car, and used one hand to fling the car door open.
He poked the tip of his gun inside the car and I thought I was going to see my helpless children murdered before my eyes. But then he stopped, and motioned for the other soldiers to come closer. One that had been standing in the background came forward and withdrew something from his pocket. Both kids were screaming so loud in that I couldn’t hear what the soldiers were saying. One reached inside the car and grabbed Karlie’s hand, outstretching her arm. He roughly pushed her coat sleeve up and poked her with whatever he’d removed from his pocket. I strained to hear, and relief spread over my body when he said, “She’s negative.” They moved around to Ian’s side, and repeated the same procedure on him. A single tear escape the corner of my eye and raced down my face. It traced the outline of my jaw before dripping from my chin and mixing with the pool of blood forming on my stomach.
I felt myself start to lose consciousness and struggled to stay alert. The soldiers removed the kids from the car. Karlie had a death grip on the backpack, and it dangled from her had as they carried her towards the jeep. She struggled to get free, screaming, “Mommy! Don’t let them take me!” All Ian could say was, “No, No, No!” repeated over and over. I wanted to tell them that they would be OK; to comfort and sooth their fears. But I had nothing left, my energy was drained. I tried to force a smile hoping it wasn’t too hideous. They put the kids into the Jeep and strapped them in the seatbelts. As the last soldier passed me by I managed to whisper a pained, “Thank you.” He nodded his head in recognition and kept walking past. The jeep pulled away and I watched it as far as I could see, my only regret not telling the kids I loved them, one last time.
Now, I was alone. My only peace was the knowledge that I’d done the best for my children that I possibly could’ve. I tried to adjust my weight so I was sitting more upright, but fell to the ground in the process. Grant’s body lay several feet away. I stared at it, unable to move, and saw him as the man he truly was, not the monster he’d become. He was my husband. The man who’d loved me through all the trials and tribulations of our life. With one last surge of energy I lethargically crawled towards him. I no longer sensed pain, just a numb nothingness that over took my body. My legs and torso felt like they’d been frozen in a block of ice. My left arm was being crushed under the weight of my body as my hand covered the gaping wound in my abdomen. My other hand reached forward clawing at the snow covered cement, grasping on to life itself. My legs were kicking wildly but I couldn’t feel them; I only heard the scraping against the ice.
Blood
dripped from my quivering lips and the metallic taste lingered in my
mouth. Choking coughs tormented my chest
and the icy numbness was spreading, making it difficult to breathe. Ever so slowly I inched forward, until at
last, I could touch his hand. It was
swollen, cracked and frozen, but as I touched it I felt the soft loving hand
I’d always known. I placed my hand
within his and rubbed against the wedding band that still encircled his
finger. Finally, I laid still and
allowed my body to relax. Dark blotches
now invaded the outside perimeter of my sight.
Visions of the kids flashed before my eyes. They jumped and played together in the yard,
giggling as the rays of sun warmed their skin.
The soft summer breeze blew Karlie’s curls away from her face and Ian
flopped back into the soft green grass. My
heart swelled with joy. It was as if the
hands of time had been reversed. They
looked healthy and happy.
Life is full of unknown surprises, and finally I understood. This was my destiny. Grant and I had sacrificed our lives to secure our children’s future. We’d succeeded. Suddenly I saw myself and Grant, hand in hand, approach the kids in my vision. Karlie ran and jumped into Grant’s arms and he flipped her over his should like a sack of potatoes. Ian outstretched his hands and I picked him up giving him a bear-hug and smothering him with kisses. I had no idea where they would end up now, but it had to be a better than trying to survive in our house, on our own. And so it was, as I watched the vision play before my eyes I welcomed death with a smile upon my lips, and love in my heart.
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